On the 16th of June, while everyone was preparing for Eid, talking, and applying henna, my family made sure I could study without any disturbances for my exam on the 18th on june. My sister didn't apply henna and did all the work all alone, and my mother didn't ask for my help with anything; my brother also didn't not tease me. it felt like the entire family had an exam coming up. In Indian families, a child's exam often feels like an exam for every family member. Despite the scorching heat and falling ill, we traveled all the way to the NTA exam center in Noida.
I was extremely nervous, my sister and cousin saw me off, and before entering, my father placed his hand on my head and said, "All the best. Take the name of Allah, do your best, and don't worry. Your paper will be absolutely amazing." I cried as I walked into the hall as I was anxious. In the December attempt, my computer malfunctioned, and I couldn't see the last 50 questions for the entire duration. The examination center staff didn't help me either. I emailed and called NTA to address the problem, but nothing happened. When the answer key was released, I got around 64 questions correct out of 100. That was also the reason for my anxiety.
The checking process was irritating, but I understood its importance for a national-level exam, so I cooperated. My sister was praying all time while I was giving exam. Finally, the exam was done! Yay! I was elated because I felt it was super easy.
I put in a lot of effort without any external help or coaching, subscriptions and left no stone unturned, confident that I would excel after analyzing the paper and checking it through multiple sources. But on 19th of june, at around 11 pm, my sister informs me that the NET is canceled due to speculations that its integrity was compromised.
[The exam was canceled based on inputs suggesting a potential compromise of its integrity. The Ministry of Education handed the matter over to the CBI for investigation. The Ministry stated, "To ensure the highest level of transparency and sanctity of the examination process, it has been decided to cancel the UGC-NET June 2024 examination.]
It's really tough to see all that hard work go to waste. It was a shock for me and my entire family, making me feel like my dream had shattered. It felt like a cruel joke.
After a few days, new dates were announced, so, I restarted my preparation, revising and making new notes. Then came another twist: The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) has discovered that the evidence which led to the cancellation of the UGC-NET exam, due to allegations of a leaked paper, was manipulated. Hence, the cancellation was based on false speculations and evidences were doctored.
My simple questions are - What is our fault? Why are they playing with our emotions, future and lives? Why are they not taking our mental health seriously?
According to the latest NTA notification, only 6% of candidates who appear for the exam will qualify and become eligible for the position of Assistant Professor. Additionally, only 1% of the total candidates will receive the UGC NET Certificate for Junior Research Fellowship. Aspirants take this exam to secure a Junior Research Fellowship and Lectureship at top universities and colleges across India. Therefore, Qualifying for the NET exam has always been a dream for many students aspiring to pursue a PhD, aiming to become an assistant professor, or secure a Junior Research Fellowship (JRF) to conduct research.
When you work hard day in and day out and don't see your hard work bearing fruit, and when you see yourself being punished for faults you never committed, it breaks your heart. It is deeply disheartening to see your relentless hard work go unrewarded. The dedication and effort required to prepare for such a challenging and one of the toughest national-level exams involve countless hours of study and immense personal sacrifice. The uncertainty over the result of the NET exam is creating significant stress and anxiety among aspirants. This relentless uncertainty, especially when it comes from factors you have no control over, leads to feelings of deep frustration and depression. The emotional toll of such a situation can be overwhelming, making it difficult to stay motivated and continue pursuing your goals.
The problem arose due to the cancellation without any proof, based solely on speculation, (if we trust CBI).
Waiting for result is like we aspirants are waiting for Godot, hoping that Godot will arrive soon. In the end, it feels like aporia... No way out..!
I'd now be focusing on other important competitive exams and my PhD as well, if circumstances were different. Now I'm feeling exhausted and don't feel like studying anymore!
Let's hope for the best while preparing for the worst!