- When Grief Becomes a Gathering, and Loss Becomes Loneliness!
Grief is strange. It arrives with a crowd, yet leaves the ones who truly loved in unbearable silence. Funerals are meant to be a time of mourning, but often, they turn into a performance. People gather, weep loudly, and reminisce, but how many of them genuinely feel the loss? How many ever showed love before death took its toll? The first four days are filled with rituals, formalities, and endless gatherings, but when the dust settles, only the ones who lost remain with their sorrow.
Day 1: The Arrival of the Body
The moment the body arrives, the wailing begins. People who never spoke kindly of the deceased in life now cry the loudest, singing praises that were never shared before. The body is taken for the ritual washing, where every person involved seems to have their own method, turning the process into a chaotic experiment. Once cleansed, it is wrapped in a shroud and placed in a coffin. The burial follows soon after. But this is just the beginning. The real drama unfolds afterward. Throughout the evening, people cry, each trying to prove their grief is greater than others. Yet, no one can truly grasp what the deceased’s family, their partner, children, parents, has lost. Strangers, who never visited in life, now gather to showcase their love, forgetting that had they shown this love earlier, it might have meant something.
Day 2: The Ritual of Tea and Tears
By the second day, the focus shifts. Tea is brewed endlessly, served and consumed in an unspoken rhythm. People sit in clusters, reminiscing about the deceased in ways that seem more performative than heartfelt. Some scream without shedding a single tear, making sure their grief is noticed. By now, things start to settle. The men gather to discuss politics, cricket, and the latest trends, while the women indulge in gossip—talks of family disputes, relationships, and old feuds. The same pattern repeats on the third day, with emotions fading and the deceased slowly becoming just another topic of conversation.
Day 3: When Grief Becomes Routine
By the third day, the mourning has dulled. The tears have dried, and the wailing has turned into hushed conversations. The deceased lingers in memory, but only as a fleeting thought. Now, the preparations for the fourth-day feast begin. The discussions are no longer about loss but about food! what should be cooked, how much should be prepared, and who should be invited. The house that once echoed with sorrow now resembles a wedding preparation. The reality of the funeral shifts from mourning to hospitality.
Day 4: The Grand Farewell: A Feast, Not a Funeral
On the fourth day, people dress up, ready to attend what feels less like a remembrance and more like a social gathering. Instead of prayers for the departed soul, whispers of gossip fill the room. Men busily prepare the Wazwan (traditional feast) alongside waza's (chefs), while women arrive and depart in a steady stream, sipping tea and exchanging pleasantries. As the evening approaches, the focus turns entirely to the meal. Plates are served, compliments are exchanged, and discussions revolve around what was cooked, how much was made, and whether it met expectations. The deceased, who was once at the center of all this, is now an afterthought.
And then, as the guests leave, the real silence sets in. The ones who truly lost, be it the children, the partner, or the parents are left alone with the weight of their grief. The loneliness creeps in, making them feel the absence in a way no one else can understand. The first four days are a spectacle of tradition and obligation, but the real mourning begins when everyone has gone, and the emptiness remains.